Airport Security

I'm afraid this post has been sitting around for ages, almost finished but lacking a suitable ending. I'm going to give it a shot, but prepare yourself for a shameful anticlimax.

Here's something that annoys me. You're all excited about going on holiday, you've woken up at 4am and have been dragging your suitcase through the dark for hours, you've queued at the check-in and then, finally, you reach customs (you queue for a long time there too) and they're like, "OK, please will you empty out your bag for us? And while you're at it, could you undress as well?"
The one that really perplexes me, though, is shoes. Why on earth do they need you to take off your shoes? I mean, is it some incredibly clever way of identifying a terrorist - - or are they just trying to smoke them out ("I can't handle the smell any more!")?

So, whilst you and the other passengers flounder in a fog of shoe-stink with your trousers round your ankles and the air conditioning cutting through the one layer of clothing you were allowed to keep on, they ask you if you've got any sharp objects.
"No," you say.
They pull something out of your bag. "I'm sorry, miss, I can't let you have that pencil sharpener. That's a dangerous item."

Maybe I'm missing something here, but what on earth am I going to use a pencil sharpener for, other than sharpening pencils?

Maybe all of this would be worth it if it actually kept the terrorists out, but it really doesn't, because if you wanted to blow up a plane it's going to be a much better idea to stick a pipe bomb in your main baggage than, er, hijack the plane with a pencil sharpener. Or play Miley Cyrus so loudly on your iPod that the pilot will do anything if you'll only MAKE IT STOP. In October someone managed to smuggle a bomb into Yemen, and I bet they had to measure out their 100ml of toothpaste, just the same as everyone else.

So I'm going to leave you with two things (because that's what the guy at the public speaking workshop said to do):

1. Don't go to Yemen. Even if there isn't a bomb on your flight it'll probably be really boring.

2. Play along, because chances are the elaborate customs routine is just a way to keep you entertained, while they wait for your plane to arrive four hours late.